Relationships-- Part 2

Here is a very nice video of people with Cerebral Palsy talking about different aspects of Relationships. I really like this video and I think you will too.

Relationships

This has got to be the hardest challenge to people with cerebral palsy to tackle. I would be the quickest to admit that i'm nowhere near considered an expert at this, but I would like to offer some insight on my own experiance on relationships. Remember, whether you are streight, gay, or bi we all go throught the same emotions, disabled or not.

One of the hardest elaments to master is developing a healthy self image because when you think of your own cerebral palsy or disability you multiply it into a big disability or a big problem. Self-image consist of three types: how the individual sees himself or herself, how others see the individual, and how the individual perceives others see him or her. Since most of us see our cerebral palsy or whatever our disability is as a BIG problem we tend to lower our confidance and hide. I did this when i started looking at myself with a magnifying glass. I made it worse for myself to ask a girl out.you tend to think you know how the other person feel wout even talking them yet. A lot of times what makes or breaks our confidance is how other see us. Some just don't understand and some make a pre- judged conclusion base on our apperance. As you can see see, sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong about how we think others perceive us.

We are quite self-conscious and concerned about our personal image, and we often consider our partners an extension of ourselves. A young man often tries to enhance his self-image by being seen with an attractive young woman, and vice versa. The stresses generated by the cultural focus on physical appearance are present not only for the person who has cerebral palsy, but for many people who may not be considered as beautiful. This is also a stage in life, however, when individuals are learning that there is more to a person than his or her appearance. It becomes clear that a relationship is much more dependent on communication, understanding, mutual care and concern.

I do not believe it is the brain damage you encountered at birth or the lesions on your future wife's spine that are going to make you a more compatible couple or more socially aware parents.

I think we, as people with disabilities sell ourselves very short when we engage in this discussion. Disability is a single aspect of personhood, and as such should be only a factor in determining a person's viability as a life partner.

When people with disability automatically exclude those without, they are committing the same sort of discrimination that they often feel they are victim of.Lack of disability is not indicative of any social characteristic. Presence of disability does not equate to a better understanding of limitations.If a person feels more comfortable dating others with disabilities, that is a choice. I often encounter people who assume that we all date other PWD's as a matter of course. I think that is what society perceives as our norm. So no, I do not believe that choosing a partner without disability reflects any societal norm at all.

It also makes me very uncomfortable when people talk about choosing a partner without disabilities so that they can be cared for by that partner. Many, many people with disabilities must bear the consequences of that kind of thinking. It hurts us all. It makes people fear being with us because they do not want to be over burdened as caregivers.

Who you love is possibly the pinnacle choice of your life. Make it from the most open and informed perspective you can. I am very proud to say, I will defend with every fiber of my being that my future lover's ability to help me off of the floor or drive me to the hospital have nothing to do with why we are in love. {It was not easy to get here. There is much work that goes into our continued understanding and love for one another.That work results in the most wonderful life either of us can imagine,even after more than a decade.

Disability does not make us better partners, people, parents, or family members. It might make us better amusement park companions. Anything else we have to offer is shaped by experiences, not deficits.

Exercise

I hope this blog entry reaches every single person with Cerebral Palsy, their parents or anyone associated with someone with Cerebral Palsy. Whether the person has mild Cerebral Palsy or severe, i'd like to share some insights that could go a very long way for a very long time. This entry may seems more benaficial to those who only have mild to moderate Cerebral Palsy, but make no misconception, it targets those who has moderate to severe Cerebral Palsy as well.

First I want to point out some physiological aspect of growing. When you are young, whether you are “normal” or you have Cereral Palsy, you come into this world a very soft, very flexable person. This is why it is very hard for a very young child to break a arm or a leg. The bone would just bend because it is still forming and the bone tissue is still soft. Not to say the bone won't break, eventually it will break if the bone is bent too far; but, to give you a mental picture of how the body grows. This also goes for our musclue formation. The muscles are very soft and flexable; therefore, streching comes easier.

Now, the reason I gave you a physiological run down for a childs physical growth period is because I wanted to give you a mental picture of how important this period is for exercizing regularly, ever physical tharapy. You see, when your body matures, or you may say stops growing, your body becomes more profound, solid and less flexable. It becomes harder to strech your muscles as you get older.

From a nutritional standpoint, what you eat is crucial whether you have Cerebral palsy or not. My original thought was eating more fruits and vegatables helps keeps your muscles more soft and flexable as oppose to eating too much solid or junk food will make your muscles a bit tight and less flexable, but most of the things i read concentrate on nutrious food that can be easily consumed out of concerns to eliminate digestion problems. Either way, the goal is the same, which is to promote good health and growth. The organization 4 My Child, which focuses on improving the conditions of children with cerebral palsy, states that vitamins and nutrients that are found in fruits are essential for proper growth and health of the brain. Since my focus is more on muscle growth for exercizing my findings are equally important. Since my focus is on the important of exercizing when you are young with Cerebral Palsy i will not get too technical with physiology and nutritional importance.

There are so many exercises you can do. Each person with Cerebral Palsy is unique; therefore, each person has their own muscle patterns they need to tackle. Some muscle patterns prevent you from doing everyday tasks that non disable people take for granted. One small example is when I was little i could not hold my head streight and bring my left hand up with a spoon to feed myself. My head would just turn to the right. It was explained that i had a certain muscle pattern that causes such movement. So I was given exercises to do to break that particular muscle pattern. And it was important to break that muscle pattern at an early age because the longer an unwanted muscle pattern was preserves the harder it is to break.

Regardless to how servere ones Cerebral palsy is, swimming is highly reccomended. Not necessarily to learn to swim, but so work all your muscles. The warm water allows the muscles to relax while you are working on your muscles. The warm water also helps blood and oxygen flow extremely easier to your muscles. So, if you can, do all the exercises you do in the pool. A lot of times you can strech you muscles further in the warm pool water.

You can make progress when your body is mature, no doubt. The main goal is to keep your muscles streched and strong when you exercise, but you need to be considtant. Also, exercising helps with te flow of oxygen to lungs and blood, it helps keep your heart stong and beating properly, and helps keep the other organs healthy and strong. As I pointed out how important it is to execise and tackle unwanted muscle patterns when you're young, gave you reasons to eat healthily, and that when you body matures it gets hard to exercise; however, there are other reasons society places on us to give us obsticles, such as: work, school—if you decide to go to college, and other societal norms. Also it may not by easy to find the help you need when you are older then when you are younger.

Bullying

I guess I should say I should feel very fortunate because there are some things that exist now that almost didn't exist in the seventies and early eighties, the time I was in grade school. When I thought up this topic I put it off for a couple of weeks. I knew that this topic is now a regular act that happens so much that its almost a “culture shock” to me, not because it was out of my nature or somewhat unfamiliar, but because of the extreme people take it. When I write on a particular topic I like to relate it to my own experiances, but with this one I have almost no experience in it. at most, not enough to affect me.

When I think someone being bullied I think of “Waldo” of the music video by Van Halen called “Hot for Teacher”. Looking back at the few times I was bullied it was outside of school and/or it was because the person didnt know me or didn't understand my disability and that is usually how bullying starts. Nowadays bullying can get extremely brutal.

Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power. It can include verbal harassment, physical assult or coercion and may be directed repeatedly towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability. This definition sounds very extreme from the bullying I was exposed to. It was more focused on my ability by way of teasing, making fun of, or copying my disability.

Kids who are bullied can experience negative physical, school, and mental health issues. Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience:

Depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy. These issues may persist into adulthood.

Health complaints

Decreased academic achievement—GPA and standardized test scores—and school participation. They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.

A very small number of bullied children might retaliate through extremely violent measures. In 12 of 15 school shooting cases in the 1990s, the shooters had a history of being bullied.

Here is a link that I think you'll enjoy... it talks about bullying and it also has an ebook: http://www.themermaidinthegherkinjar.com/ . It's about a kid with Cerebral Palsy.

The 'Making it Real' videos feature 14 inspiring people - musicians, an executive, students, athletes and paralympians -- who live with cerebral palsy. They talk about some of life's big issues which affect everyone of us.
I hope that the people who shared their stories will motivate you to live your best life, and prompt you to help others do the same

Tony Bartoli was bullied in school, pushed down multiple times and horribly mistreated because he had cerebral palsy. Now Tony travels around the country speaking on bullying, letting people know what they can do about it. He can be reached at www.TonyB4Hope.com

Special Education

I'm very open for debate or proven otherwise on this next topic. I have went to special education school all my grammer school life. Looking back on it I think to myself, what a joke. I mean, here we have schools that help students with special needs in a way that addresses the students' individual differences and needs. Ideally, this process involves the individually planned and systematically monitored arrangement of teaching procedures, adapted equipment and materials, accessible settings, and other interventions designed to help learners with special needs achieve a higher level of personal self-sufficiency and success in school and community than would be available if the student were only given access to a typical classroom education. Ok, got it? Now, as systematically as this sound I applause the creator, give him/her a noble prize. I know this sound negative, but hear me out before any conclusion is sought.

Now that this great system is in effect, let's go a step further. We have what is called an IEP, which stand for “Individualized Education Plan”. It's a annual plan put force by a meeting which includes teatchers and individual parents to keep track of progess and most of all is designed to meet the special educational needs of one child, who may have a disability, as defined by federal regulations. The IEP is intended to help children reach educational goals more easily than they otherwise would. Nnow, what happens after the meeting? The plan goes on file and the file goes into the filing cabinet, right? Systematiclly yes, that is pretty accurate.

I can understand why there is a need for the IEP, i'm not going to be naive about it. There are a lot of students that need that extra help and guidance. From my experiance, I saw the IEP as a joke. Here, i was the smartest student in my school by far, I felt most of the teacher didn't see me that way. The majority of the kids were mostly unable to get past the first grade level, so the teachers didn't really have to teach. I dont know if the teachers didn't care, wasn't aware of my avanceness, or they were being just plain naive.

I know there are special education teacheers out there who really care, there has to be. I had one teacher that knew me well. She knew how smart I was. She had me on track, even above my grade level. But when I got to the fourth grade the teacher that knew me very well retired. I didnt think anything of it at the time but looking back at that time makes me sad. So after the tacher that I liked retired everything seemed to be thrown up in the air. The school was like a day care, nothing really going on. Using the famous “if I had it to do over” expression, I wish I was more into my own education. There are so many things I wish I did differently academically. I didn't have the mentality I have now back then, and nobody wasn't very encouraging. If I wasn't as intellagent as I was, I could have just let my self go and not rove I could get my high school deploma.

This happens too much, where the students intellagent is overlooked or ignore. Even when a student is “mainstreamed”, meaning educating students with special needs in classes with non-disabled students during specific time periods based on their skills. Students with special needs are segregated in separate classes exclusively for students with special needs for the rest of the school day. A lot of time such students spend all day in these “special classes'. These setups are no different then an all disabled student school, these students who aee in this setting have the same IEP setting. Historically, most students with special needs have been excluded from school. Such exclusion still affects about 23 million disabled children worldwide, particularly in poor, rural areas of developing countries.

Let's get back on track before I get too carried away. I originally got this topic idea afrer talking to a few of my readers and discussing their concerns about their child with cerebral palsy. So, i'd thought it was worthwhile to share my thought and experiances. I believe the special education system is remarkable. I also beleive if their is a person who has a desire to be a special education teacher I hiighly recommend them to choose a specialize area. By doing so, the goal of that particular special education teacher will be achievable and most enjoyable. It seems to me just being a “general” special education teacher is not goal oriented.

I think my idea is very practical because it benafits the students, parents and the teacher. It eliminates frustrations. Whether the child is blind, deaf, physically challenged, or mentally challenged such a specialized special education teacher understands such students limitation. I'm not nearly this bad but lets take a child with cerebral palsy and moderate to severe speech impediment. We know that he is very bright and intellagent, and possibly has a mind like Albert Einstein or Stephen Hanking for that matter. Now how can we get that knowledge out? How can they express their ideas? There one place I can think or, whick I feel there should more of, it is called the Bridge School. The Bridge School is a non-profit organization whose mission is to ensure that individuals with severe speech and physical impairments achieve full participation in their communities through the use of augmentative & alternative means of communication (AAC) and assistive technology (AT) applications and through the development, implementation and dissemination of innovative life-long educational strategies. The Bridge School is an internationally recognized leader in the education of children who use augmentative and alternative communication and has developed unique programs and trained highly skilled professionals in the use of state of the art assistive technology. Now this is brilliant!

The Bridge School is just one of the outstanding programs out there. And although the special educational system has a good cause and has it's own flaws parents need to stay focus on their child needs. Unfortunately, sometimes the parents don't pay attention thinking their child is in good hands. Not to say the teachers are bad, but we are human. We don't always see things. We are lazy. And we lose emthuiasm. And because we human, we need to be our childs voice and fight for them because no one knows your child better then you.

Will

As I was wrestling with thoughts pondering on my topic for this entry I usual read or watch videos to simulate my mind for ideas. I have very dear friend that is very fond of me. Sadly we cannot see each other as we would like to because she lives on the other side in paradise. She lives in Saudi Arabia, and she is a sunni Muslim, very orthodox when it comes to the Islamic religion which I became very fond of. We share our experiances we have in each other society. How we eat, how live and what is within the norm of such society.

Today she sent me a short documentry video of a very severely disabled man. I remember her telling that in her society they take extry care of their people whom are disabled. As I was watching this video I had several thoughts woundering around my head. My first thought was no matter how perfect a society may seem it has it's flaws, it still has it's share of discrimination, and it's share of lack of awareness in terms understanding people with disabilities.

Another thing i'm very aware of that happens all too often is that in the United States is although some members of the society may not understand a certain disability or don't understand disabilities in gereal, most of these people are just nieve and insentative about their understanding. The video reinforces my understanding that we re not the only ones, this very well goes on in other societies as well. Why? Because it is out of the norm, and people have a hard time accepting.

After watching the video several times it is very worthwhile to note that there is love in this world. There is the need to fight for others. To fight for those who need a helping voice. In a convincing way, it is very worthwhile to people who are nieve in their perception and understanding of such disabilities that they very well know how to accommodate. Some people need that extra push, meaning talked to, to remind or point out to them that ability isn't always physical.

The main theme of the video is not the difference between two soctieties or it's simularities, how disabled people are treated, or the lack of understanding and awareness among disabled people, it's about the living will of an extraordinary man. It proves that if there is a will anything is possible. No matter what he couldn't do his will allowed him to do what he can do. It was his will that allowed him to achieve his dreams.

Enjoy the video.

Put Yourself Out There

I am quite sure there are a lot of disabled people, not just people with cerebral palsy, who are very self cautous to the point that they doubt their owe confidence. Depending on the severity of their disability would most likely determine their level of self caution and/or self confidennce. Ultimately, people with cerebral palsy who are speech impeded, or people with just plain speech impediments would experience this obsticle.

I target the cerebral palsy community because of the uniqeness of this type of disability. Cerebral palsy is one of the most misconceived disabilities in the world. We can be so intellagent yet look just completely the oposite. The problem is we know it. Because we know about how society can easily misuderstand our disability a lot of us unintemtionally become isolated. We don't go out in public. I have had that problem since I went into the wheelchair and also when my speech impediment became more pronounced. The problem can add up for those of us who are more dependent on assistant from a caretaker. I didn't learn this until after I was divorced and/or had to hire a caretaker outside the family. The thing we need to remember, caretakers have their own lives and are not there like your wife, husband, or family would be in terms of socialization.

Don't get get me wrong, there are caretakers that are more compassionate and understanding about the importance of compaionship and socializing. Like getting out, maybe going a movie, going a resturant, or simply just going to a park. Anything where there people, where you can interact with people. There are people out who would be a friend or even help you with an order or with something out of reach. I know it is hard, believe me I do. I have had so many times that I talked myself out of doing thing I can do. Once I finally did go to the doctor my myself, to the store by myself, even to star bucks for a tea where you have to interact, it wasn't that bad at all. It even made me feel better, bubbly, and a little more confident. But I always make the mistake by falling back into the old habit. So, if we keep putting this off it will get harder and harder as we get older. Then we might develop anthropophobia and/or agoraphobia.

This is on us. We have to make it happen. If we want people to be more aware of us we need to put our selves out there. Whether its for love, friendship, goin to the doctor, to a resturant, to starbucks, or simply just to meet people at a park, we need to depend on only us to make that push. Sure, we can ask our caretaker, but don't rely on them to remind you of your plan. I say this because we might talk ourselves out of it leaving our caretaker feeling frustrated. So we have to take charge. In other words, “Put Yourself Out There”.

You Snooze, You Loose

We all have dreams. We all have things we hope to achieve. We want to do better. We want to be batter. We want to keep ourselves from getting worse. But somehow, in some way, we wait, we talk ourselves into doing just the opposite. We are lazy, some may call it. We are afraid in some way or another. We may let our minds play tricks on us to think its too hard or overwhelming. We say, “ i'll do it later”, “ i'll do it tomarrow”. We are procrastinating. And I am guilty as charged..

I was the worse procrastinator and sometimes I still do it. I do it out of lazyness and fear. Like exercising or something that i've worked for a long time and i'm closse to the end goal. Many are afraid of change, or something new. Sometime it's fear of rejection or lost. I know I can lazy but I think it's more of fear to why I procrastinate. Finishing a book and remembering to exercise is a lot of times overwhelming. I also procrasinate over thing need to do that I don't like to do, like: exercising, going to the doctor or dentist.

See, if you wait or put something off those thing will never get done. It's simple as that. I personally have a lot of things I want to do and things I need to do. I have books I want to finish. I have exerises I need to do. I have things I want want do around my house. I have little thigs I need to do that are apart of a big goal/project with looming deadlines. The bad thing is is you know you are putting these things off, at least I know I know what i'm doing. It's always in your concious.

Ok, now, i'm going to give you a very personal example related to my cerebral palsy and the need to exercise. When I was born and after the doctors figured out I had cerebral palsy, the physical tharapist pointed out that I had certain muscle patterns I need to break. So, the physical tharapist worked with me and my mom worked with me every day at home. All that work paid off. I was walking, riding bikes, climbing trees, and basically running amuck. Where am I going with this? Well, when I started having trouble walking at age 16 my mom pointed out that my body was going back to my old muscle paterns when I was a baby. While going to doctors and waiting around to see what was going on my cerebral palsy became more pronounced. I just waited instead of working with myself. Now, I cant even stand up on my own. There were countless times when I started exercising and I could feel myself getting stronger but a few weeks into exercising I resorted to putting it off. So learn from my example or your exercises will get harder as you get older.

We need to clamp down and take charge. It's the only way we will bring about change, and also get things done. If you don't take control of your life, procrastination will control It for you. As the famously say “You Snooze, You Loose”.

Attitude 3

This young lady inspires me to try to be more inspiring with her attitude toward wanting to change the world's attitude towards people with disabilities, not just people with cerebral palsy.

You  might have to watch it a few times to catch what she is saying.

Attitude 2

Here is a great video on Attitude.

Attitude

Picture this. . You're sitting there doing nothing. You know you are high inelligent. You want things but you diont reach for them. You wait and wait for something to happen. You wait for someone to magically appear and read your mind without you making any effort at all. It's like you're in a vegitative state. You aren't being negative either, you just have no attitude at all. In achieving something, no attitude is worse the negative attitude

Got that vision?

When I thought up this topic I had the mentality to present it in a fashion to target people trying to achieve but is presented with obhsticles whatever it may be. Your attitude will make all the difference in the world. And often times, bad attitude is better than no attitude at all because you'll most likely learn from the negative effect of a bad attitude.

I was ultimately discribing myself I the opening paragraph. That was me for a very long time. After finding myself lone, in charge of my own life, and I wasnt putting my self out there, I realize this was not getting me any where. But I knew how to have a good attitude, I just wasn't using it.

Here is a video... concentrate on their attitude.

Being Realistic

Over the years I was not very confident. For the most part, I was not confident because I was not sure of myself. I was not sure of what I was able to do. After going to college getting into the routine, seeing peope like me, evem seeing people worse off then me, talking to the college counselors, and graping on the knowledge and interacting with other students with that knowledge I began to open my eyes. I began to see possibilities. I began to set goals. But were they realistic?

Being as self cautous as I am I was terrified. I was terrified of not being realistic. I began to wrestle between my goals and being realistic which would result evertime in extreme procrastination. I think an crucial element is knowing the difference between an academic goal and an career goal. My problem wasn't academic; in fact, I do extremely well in my course work. My main problem was I doubted myself and listening to counselor express their concerns about what I wanted to do as a career.

Now if our goals are unrealistic, then we will not be achieving them or moving towards them. This will make us unhappy. So I also believe that setting realistic goals is central to our happiness and life satisfaction. Being realistic is being able to put your emotion, goals and passions you have aside and look at things as they really are. To be able to see beyond what you feel. This goes for abled bodied people too, not just people with disabilities. Ulimately, being realistic is putting your dreams and fantasies aside. Put your ego away for the time being until the super-ego proves the goal is worthy, fruedian speaking.

I could just go ahead and go into a masters programe, thats is how good I am academically; but, if I am being unrealistic I would be myself up for a setback. This is why I am working with a counselor. I know some of you may have bad experiances with such counselors but I believe approach and attitude makes all the difference. My approach is being extemely open, uderstanding and opyimistic; but, only be passive logically. This is how I was able to set up a interview shadowing a counselor and see the life of it, then we can see if it is a realistic decision.

To the EXTREME!

He does not have Cerebral Palsy, but someoe with Cerebral Palsy could do this

Building Confidence

I would like to share this short video on "Building Confidence". I really like this video because it goes in to depth as i talked about in my last blog entry titled "Know Thyself". Confidence comes from knowing yourself, who you are and knowing your own abilities. Being confident is one of my biggest problems. I hope you all enjoy the video.

Know Thyself

I had to really think and ponder on this next blog entry because recently I had to think about some things I rarely put time into. I thought this topic would be good bcause not only do I know people like as well as “normal” people go through it. It happens to disabled people more in most cases.

If you are a highly functionable person, mentally; then you know yourself better then anyone else in the world. You may not know it, you may have people telling you otherwise, or you just haven't put it in to prespective enough, but it is a fact that you know yourself. It took me a very long time to really stop and put myself into prespective.

The doubts started when I was sixteen. A time in ones life where they hae some idea where they are heading. At that time my ideas were shattered and I was not even thinking... I wasnt thinking at all, not in terms of what I wanted to do verses what I can do. After I became wheelchair bound and my cerebral palsy became more pronounced I becamed more self aware, more self cautous, and losing self confidence little by little. I got to where I was too accepting of myself as I talked about in my blog entry titled “Acceptance”. As time went on I started to become more and more content with myyself . I wasn't thriving. No one was pushing me to reach, reach for something, anything; rather then just vegetate. I was slow but I realize that nobody was going to lead the path for me. And because I was extremely self cautous with low self confidence it was very hard for me take that first step, to take the lead, to, make my own path. I had to do something.

Starting junior college was was the first step I ever made for myself. I know I was smart enough; but, could I keep up? I answered that when I made the deans list that first semester. This gave a little self confidence, but I had a long way to go. My time in junior college gave me the mentality “i can do this!”

Now, at the moment, i'm at war with my rehabilitation counselor over my main goal as mentioned in my blog entry titled “Here and Now”. I'm not sure if my conunselor is genuinely concerned or if he just flat out doesnt think I can do it. I think I am borderline. I mean, if they go by a set of guidelines, I am borderline. They know extremely academically capable, they know I'm highly intellagent, but they have doubts about my verbal abilities. One of my best friends discribed my speech like this: “ It's like you have your own accent that people have to get used to.”, when I ask her. Now doesn't that go with everyboby?

Deep down I know i'd a good counselor. I know I can verbally handle it. Since this is my battle, nobody can win it except me. Nobody is going to lead, you have to be the leader to win your own battles. The choices we make dictate the like we lead. And the ancient saying “Know Thyself” still stands strong today.

Here and Now

Finally, we are here and now. I didn't expect my blog to take this long to get to this point. I expeced to be a lot further into my thoughts rather then be still personal. The delay came about because I was discouraged and feeling down. After pulling myself together again I realized I needed to take charge and set some goals.

Before I started my bachelors program in psychology my rehabilitation counselor and I made a plan. The plan was to obtain my bachelors so I can continue on to my masters progam in counseling. My goal was to be a college counselor for disabled students, and my rehabilitation counselor knew this. After getting my bachelors I went through some personal issue as I talked about in my bllog entry titled “Nothing is Forever”.

So now after settling down and comfirming my kids weren't moving across the country (extremely exaggerated, by the way), but it felt that way. My ex wife always encourages me to go where there are more opportunities, but what she realize is how much it would kill me being away from my kids. She really doesn't see that kind of pain. At least, I think she doesn't. I mean, it hasn't happened to her. Anyways, I met with rehailitaion counselor a few times recently and the meetings were somewhat disappointing.

Everything my counselor and I talk about or plan goes on file. What we talked a bout me being able to perform the duties a counselor has he had a concern. My counselor's concern was my speech. I do stutter a little, and I do get stuck on certain words. It's like I have my own accent that people have to get used to. It was very annoying, I mean, come on, it is not like I developed a speech impediment over night for my rehab counselor to question my ability now.

So now my rehab counselor wants me to go shadow a disabled student counselor at the local junior college that used to work for department of rehabilitation to get her opinion. I am to go shadow the counselor for one day and she will report back to my rehab counselor giving her opinion. If I get a good report, the department of rehabilitation will support and fund me to pursue my master program. So that is what is going on here and now.

Just Like You

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my blog entries. I know my last blog entry titled “Nothing is Forever” was not the most pleasent blog entry to read, it certainly wasn't the most pleasent to write either. Went I was writing my last three blog entries I had the mentality while writing the entries to show you what I went through; and even more so, to show you that we, people with Cerebral Palsy function just like you. My next blog entry will be called “Just Like You”.

Although there are some cases where a person with cerebral palsy who are mentally retarded, but most of us are mentally functionable. Those who have spastic cerebral palsy, for example, can be misinterpreted as having a cognitive delay due to difficulty of communication when in fact we are very smart, very prrceptive, and very sentitive. I speak primarily from my own experience.

For one reason or another parents, even though they know the kid is highly intellagent and bright, they still become naïve and resort to shelter their kids out of fear. Whether it's fear of them getting their feelings hurt or something underlying, it still happen a lot. Some don't realize that if they shelter too much kids with cerebral palsy likely become content and too acceptting as I talked about in my privious blog entry titled “Acceptance”. Fortunately, my mom did her best not to be sheltering; however, she did be a little sheltering when I started junior college because she was concerned that it would be too much for me. Well, here I am holding a BA in Pyshology.

Some who know people with cerebral palsy, especially those who can't talk very well or can't talk at all, know that they are very perceptive. Now, how can this magically happen? Well, drawing on my own experience and on my educated guessing we were forced to. Not perposely, but naturally. To me, the more one doesn't talk the more percerive one is. It make sense in a lot of cases. However, when we talk a lot we tend to loose touch of what is going on around us. Coincidently, I did not start making verbal sounds until I was two years old and I am often discribed as being extremely perceoptive. What we are unable to use well we naturally draw on our inter resources.

I consider myself very fortunate to have had the chance to experience what so many of you litterally take for granted. We are sentitive just like you. We go through ups and downs. We go through happiness and heartbreaks. We are given a chance and we are rejected. We go through every single emotions there is, sometime more so then others. We fall and we pick ourselves up with support or we do it by ourselves. We are just like you.

MOTIVATION - CEREBRAL PALSY BODYBUILDER

Nothing is Forever

Hello everyone. I hope you guys enjoyed my last blog entry called “Family Life” as much as I lived it. It was the best periods of my life, and i adored it tremendously. My next blog entry will be titled “Nothing is Forever”.

As much as I wish that everything is forever, there are a lot of things that make the phrase “Nothing is Forever” pretty relavent. I'm not saying that it is not possible, i'm just saying it's one of those rare things that requires work and a lot of it; but a lot of people just cant do it.

For sometime before I graduated with my bachelors in psychology, maybe even around the time our little girl was born; however, I started to sense something just didn't seem right. Although we still did things together, somethig felt empty. I didnt know what it was, what to do, or what to say. I was never assertive, and I certainly wasn't able to be assertive about someething this close to someone I loved dearly. I beleive not talking was my biggest mistake among other mistakes i've made.

Although we did stuff together, we did our homework, took care of our kids and even went out on family outtings, we didn't really talk except for things that didn't have to do with us. I didn't know what to say because I was too afraid of losing my wife. I stayed home a lot watching our kids while she's at school at time. Well, I stayed home anyway because I didnt care to have friends because I had her, and she was all that mattered to me. I would even stay up all night a lot of times to make sure our kids were ok while she was out studying with her friends. This kinda reminds me of the song by Bryan Adams, “everything I do, I do it for you”... ha ha ha... I felt that way too.

I am not going to go into this it was her fault, or it was my fault dialogue, because we both made mistakes, we both are at fault. I do beleive it was worth working out. I am a very forgiving person unlike others. There is a lot I didnt understand about how things happened the way they did. I do know one thing though, I was feeling very lonely. I had some ideas of what was happening in my head but I was never abled to comfirm them because we never talked. I mean, it's not like we fought and yelled and scream at each other, not at all. When we finally sat and talked it was't about what was going on or how we can work on us, it was about her wanting a divorce. I wanted to go to counseling but she didnt, so I let that idea go. I didn't beleive in just letting a long marriage go like it was nothing, especially wheN we had kids. I litterally poured my heart to her, but the way she responded I could tell her heart was somewhere else. In the end, I just wanted her to be happy.

Don't get wrong, I was hurt. I was hurting for a while. I cryed my heart out countless times. Sat and wonder what happened. Wondered if I was ever really worthy. Wondered if she just wanted more then i could offer. And after coming to terms and pulling myself together on my own, i came to the realization that in a lot of circumstances nothing is forever.

Family Life

I'd like to thank all my readers for coming by and reading my blog entries. I hope you enjoyed reading the short series of “Happily Ever After?”. I'm going try to keep pace and post entries more often. My next entry will be titled “Family Life”. I hope you all enjoy the entry.

After our wedding, my wife and I went on our honeymoon. I wanted to go on a cruise for the honeymoon because i've been on one before. The cruise I wanted to would sail to ensenada. The cruises and pretty cool and very relaxing. They have a buffet all day, drinks, a causual dinner night, a formal dinner night, a small concert, and a casino but you have to wait until the ship got into international water. My wife wanted to go to disneyland. So, disneyland it was. But, during my time with my wife, she would poke at for not taking her on “a” cruise.

Disneyland for honeymoons is a lot of fun, for any occasion for that matter. They have something for every setting. You name it, they have it. You get what you pay for. Since i've been there countless times for fun and for college credits, I knew what we were getting into. A lot of walking! We did everything and had a lot of fun. It was on our honeymoon that we decided to have a baby.

I really loved married life. Having someone that loves you for just you, not for what you can or cannot do. Some to confide with, without worrying about them breaking your trust in them. Someone to look up to for support and encouragement. Someone who will call you on you mistakes and still be there. Someone to cuddle with at night and not worry if it was just a dreaan and not be there when you wake up. And watch your kids wake up and grow into the person they will become tomarrow. Be there for good and hard times and sickness and health.

My wife going through labor for our first baby must be the scariest, yet one of the most joyful moments in life. Seeing my wife go throught so much pain and agony made me feel very helpless. It one point I was so worried she was going to die. And here comes Dr. Demerol to save the night. After the anesthesioloist gave my wife a shot of demerol, she had the baby within minutes. It was a beautiful baby boy.

I really like being a father, especially when they are babies. Babies are the sweetesst little bundle of joy. Babies are parents pride and joy. Watching our chrildren grow are the most joyous and heartbreaking experiances a parent can have. We get heartbroken because we afraid of change. At times I feel so bad because i wanted more for my son then I could offer.

I really loved watching my wife be mother. There is nothing more picture perfect then a loving mother tending to their babies unconditionally. Although I could not do certain things she made sure she helped me be apart of everything. When I would get down on myself for not being able to do the things I wanted to do for baby boy, my wife reason with me and made sure she was there to help.

Soon after having our baby boy I decided to go back to junior college to shore up some elective course so I can transfer to a university to obtain my Bachelors degree in Psychology. Just before I stated at the university, I met with my rehabilitation counselor to put together a plan. My counselor encouraged me to go full time, but I was nervous because I was in a excelerated program. Just before I started at the university my wife and I brought a condo.

Also, soon before I started my bachelors program my wife gave birth to our second baby. This time, during my wife's labor I was a lttle more at ease because I knew what to expect. I still felt I wish I could do so much more for my wife. We had a beauriful baby girl, by the way.

When my lil girl was able to be left with me or my wife's sister or her mother, we both were going to school. I was very proud of my wife in her acheivement in completing her medical assistant program. And in eighteen months completed my bachelors program with a GPA of 3.87.

It only takes on minute. World CP day.

Call To Action: Cerebral Palsy Project

While i'm working on  my next entry i'd like to share this video with you guys

Happily Ever After? Part 2

As I noted in the beginning of my last entry titled “Happily Ever After?” that there will be two parts of the entry, this next entry is part two of “Happily Ever After?”. The Happy Ever After part of my journey is the most adoring part of my life this far. Now, let’s get on into my next entry of part two of “Happily Ever After?”.

If I was standing up on my feet, I would have collapse to the floor at the sound of her soft voice when she said yes to my proposal. I fell in love all over again. My heart was back in place after a racy marathon of anticipation. She got up to go tell her mom while I laid in bed with a gentle smile on my face, and the next thing I know, a swarm of family members with greeting arms welcoming me into the family. From day one I have felt a sense of belonging to her family, and this was a very sincere confirmation.

We set a date for july thirteenth which gave us nine months to prepare for our big day. To me, it wasn’t that much to plan for, but then, she was doing all the preparing. Watching her made me feel bad becausse I wished I could do so much more for her. She always had a way of reassuring me that was aa big help with what I can do. In the mix of preparing for the wedding, we were also in the process of moving. We were geting an apartment with her sister and her sister's husband until we were able to get our own. As soon as we got settle in the new apartmet we immediately resummed our wedding planning. It was such an adventure getting everything from my white tuxedo, to tux's for the groomsmen, to planning our honeymoon. This being our first wedding, i was touched and overwhelmed by the love and support we were gettig from everyone. It was like i haven't woke up from my dream. If a dream is all it was, dont wake me up.

Looking back at 2002, i wanted to see what other events made that year more special and i was fascinated of what i found. 2002 (MMII) was a common year that started on a Tuesday. In the Gregorian calendar, it was the 2002nd year of Anno Domini, the 2nd year of the 3rd millennium and of the 21st century, and the 3rd of the 2000s decade. 2002 was a palindrome year. By coincidence, the last palindrome year (1991) was also a common year starting on Tuesday. The next time this will happen is between 5995 and 6006. 2002 also designated the International Year of Ecotourism and Mountains , the Year of the Outback in Australia,National Science Year in the United Kingdom and Autism Awareness Year in the United Kingdom.

Although 2002 had some special events, the event that made it even more sweeter was our wedding day. It was july 13, 2002. the big day. It was considerably a perfect day in Santa Curz. Overcast in the morning and nice and sunny by noon. Periodically, throughout the day, my mind wounders off thinking of my mom, wishing she was there. Wishing she could have met my angel-like bride. When i snapped back to reality throughout the day, my only hope was that my mom was somehow, some way watching.

As time got closer, i became a little nervous. These buterflies were out of control. My heart was racing like an olympic runner hoping nothing goes wrong and everything goes smoothly. Drums roaring in my head almost with pace with my heart. I kept thinking dreams are not suppose to feel this way. Feeling such anxiety, nervousness, and fear all at once. Shortly before the cermony, where the grooms men and i where geting dress in our tuxedo's, i found a few minutes alone to pull my self together from feeling totally distressed. I had to remind my self that everything was going to be just fine and everything was going smooth.

Our wedding was somewhat unique. Instead of me strolling down the isle first, she went first. I was not able to watch everyone go down the isle, of course, because i was the last one to go. Hearing comments and stories of how beautiful it was was tramendously comforting. When everything was all set and everyone went into the chapel, it was my turn to go.

Just before i entered the chapel, i could feel my heart racing again, the butterflies in my stumoch just wouldn't simmer down, the anxiety was slowly coming back, and to my surprise, my hand started trembling. It was kind of weird because just a small amount of anxiety or stess would cause trembling if i had spastic cerebral palsy, but because i had athetoid cerebral palsy, which is a very mellow form of cerebral palsy, it was somehow puzzling. Before i went through the double doors, which enters the chapel, i closed my eyes, took a slow deep breath and i opened my eyes and proceeded through the doors. With my hand still trembling a little bit, it affected my ability to control the smooth stroll in my power wheelchair down the isle.

At this point i must say, moms knows best. When i made my way to the alter, i looked up in awe at how beautiful my soon-to-be-wife was. She was so beautiful in her white haltered princess wedding dress. As i looked at her beautiful face i noticed a portait just slighty to the right of her on the podium. Tears of joy filled my eyes at the thought of someone thought so kindly of my mom. It wasn't until a long time after that i found out it was her mom's idea to that portrait up on the podium. Her mom must have sense that i greatly wished my mom could be there. It was that one portrait that made the wedding complete in my eyes.

After fighting back some tears i focused my attention on my beautiful dirty-blonde haired olive skined bride. Looking into each others eye and feeling the love we felt for each others has gor to be the most wonderful feeling one could ever feel. While we stood at the alter listening the our vows gracefully uttering our bishop was very comforting. We were then pronounced husband an wife. Because i was in a wheelchair my newly wedded wife had to bend slight over so i could kiss her. Her hands were magic. When she gentle placed her hands on on my face she was able to keep my head from moving. Like it was paralyzed. She than kiss me.

After the kiss, there was a speech given by her oldest brother before we went to the reception. I can not remember word for word what her brother said, but it was touching for both of us. In short her brother talked about how after meeting me changed him, and how he was happy i was apart of the family. After the speech we all headed over to to our reception.

The greeting by our guest was very special and warm. I really likes how the reception was set up. Our table was set up like the “Last Supper”, with my wife and i in middle and the bridesmaids and the groomsmen to the left and right of us. Luckily i was abled to stand up for short periods of time; therefore, we were able to the first dance. We danced to “A dream is a wish your heart makes.”