Here is a very nice video of people with Cerebral Palsy talking about different aspects of Relationships. I really like this video and I think you will too.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Relationships
This has got to be the hardest challenge to people with cerebral palsy to tackle. I would be the quickest to admit that i'm nowhere near considered an expert at this, but I would like to offer some insight on my own experiance on relationships. Remember, whether you are streight, gay, or bi we all go throught the same emotions, disabled or not.
One of the hardest elaments to master is developing a healthy self image because when you think of your own cerebral palsy or disability you multiply it into a big disability or a big problem. Self-image consist of three types: how the individual sees himself or herself, how others see the individual, and how the individual perceives others see him or her. Since most of us see our cerebral palsy or whatever our disability is as a BIG problem we tend to lower our confidance and hide. I did this when i started looking at myself with a magnifying glass. I made it worse for myself to ask a girl out.you tend to think you know how the other person feel wout even talking them yet. A lot of times what makes or breaks our confidance is how other see us. Some just don't understand and some make a pre- judged conclusion base on our apperance. As you can see see, sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong about how we think others perceive us.
We are quite self-conscious and concerned about our personal image, and we often consider our partners an extension of ourselves. A young man often tries to enhance his self-image by being seen with an attractive young woman, and vice versa. The stresses generated by the cultural focus on physical appearance are present not only for the person who has cerebral palsy, but for many people who may not be considered as beautiful. This is also a stage in life, however, when individuals are learning that there is more to a person than his or her appearance. It becomes clear that a relationship is much more dependent on communication, understanding, mutual care and concern.
I do not believe it is the brain damage you encountered at birth or the lesions on your future wife's spine that are going to make you a more compatible couple or more socially aware parents.
I think we, as people with disabilities sell ourselves very short when we engage in this discussion. Disability is a single aspect of personhood, and as such should be only a factor in determining a person's viability as a life partner.
When people with disability automatically exclude those without, they are committing the same sort of discrimination that they often feel they are victim of.Lack of disability is not indicative of any social characteristic. Presence of disability does not equate to a better understanding of limitations.If a person feels more comfortable dating others with disabilities, that is a choice. I often encounter people who assume that we all date other PWD's as a matter of course. I think that is what society perceives as our norm. So no, I do not believe that choosing a partner without disability reflects any societal norm at all.
It also makes me very uncomfortable when people talk about choosing a partner without disabilities so that they can be cared for by that partner. Many, many people with disabilities must bear the consequences of that kind of thinking. It hurts us all. It makes people fear being with us because they do not want to be over burdened as caregivers.
Who you love is possibly the pinnacle choice of your life. Make it from the most open and informed perspective you can. I am very proud to say, I will defend with every fiber of my being that my future lover's ability to help me off of the floor or drive me to the hospital have nothing to do with why we are in love. {It was not easy to get here. There is much work that goes into our continued understanding and love for one another.That work results in the most wonderful life either of us can imagine,even after more than a decade.
Disability does not make us better partners, people, parents, or family members. It might make us better amusement park companions. Anything else we have to offer is shaped by experiences, not deficits.
I think we, as people with disabilities sell ourselves very short when we engage in this discussion. Disability is a single aspect of personhood, and as such should be only a factor in determining a person's viability as a life partner.
When people with disability automatically exclude those without, they are committing the same sort of discrimination that they often feel they are victim of.Lack of disability is not indicative of any social characteristic. Presence of disability does not equate to a better understanding of limitations.If a person feels more comfortable dating others with disabilities, that is a choice. I often encounter people who assume that we all date other PWD's as a matter of course. I think that is what society perceives as our norm. So no, I do not believe that choosing a partner without disability reflects any societal norm at all.
It also makes me very uncomfortable when people talk about choosing a partner without disabilities so that they can be cared for by that partner. Many, many people with disabilities must bear the consequences of that kind of thinking. It hurts us all. It makes people fear being with us because they do not want to be over burdened as caregivers.
Who you love is possibly the pinnacle choice of your life. Make it from the most open and informed perspective you can. I am very proud to say, I will defend with every fiber of my being that my future lover's ability to help me off of the floor or drive me to the hospital have nothing to do with why we are in love. {It was not easy to get here. There is much work that goes into our continued understanding and love for one another.That work results in the most wonderful life either of us can imagine,even after more than a decade.
Disability does not make us better partners, people, parents, or family members. It might make us better amusement park companions. Anything else we have to offer is shaped by experiences, not deficits.
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