Know Thyself

I had to really think and ponder on this next blog entry because recently I had to think about some things I rarely put time into. I thought this topic would be good bcause not only do I know people like as well as “normal” people go through it. It happens to disabled people more in most cases.

If you are a highly functionable person, mentally; then you know yourself better then anyone else in the world. You may not know it, you may have people telling you otherwise, or you just haven't put it in to prespective enough, but it is a fact that you know yourself. It took me a very long time to really stop and put myself into prespective.

The doubts started when I was sixteen. A time in ones life where they hae some idea where they are heading. At that time my ideas were shattered and I was not even thinking... I wasnt thinking at all, not in terms of what I wanted to do verses what I can do. After I became wheelchair bound and my cerebral palsy became more pronounced I becamed more self aware, more self cautous, and losing self confidence little by little. I got to where I was too accepting of myself as I talked about in my blog entry titled “Acceptance”. As time went on I started to become more and more content with myyself . I wasn't thriving. No one was pushing me to reach, reach for something, anything; rather then just vegetate. I was slow but I realize that nobody was going to lead the path for me. And because I was extremely self cautous with low self confidence it was very hard for me take that first step, to take the lead, to, make my own path. I had to do something.

Starting junior college was was the first step I ever made for myself. I know I was smart enough; but, could I keep up? I answered that when I made the deans list that first semester. This gave a little self confidence, but I had a long way to go. My time in junior college gave me the mentality “i can do this!”

Now, at the moment, i'm at war with my rehabilitation counselor over my main goal as mentioned in my blog entry titled “Here and Now”. I'm not sure if my conunselor is genuinely concerned or if he just flat out doesnt think I can do it. I think I am borderline. I mean, if they go by a set of guidelines, I am borderline. They know extremely academically capable, they know I'm highly intellagent, but they have doubts about my verbal abilities. One of my best friends discribed my speech like this: “ It's like you have your own accent that people have to get used to.”, when I ask her. Now doesn't that go with everyboby?

Deep down I know i'd a good counselor. I know I can verbally handle it. Since this is my battle, nobody can win it except me. Nobody is going to lead, you have to be the leader to win your own battles. The choices we make dictate the like we lead. And the ancient saying “Know Thyself” still stands strong today.