Nothing is Forever

Hello everyone. I hope you guys enjoyed my last blog entry called “Family Life” as much as I lived it. It was the best periods of my life, and i adored it tremendously. My next blog entry will be titled “Nothing is Forever”.

As much as I wish that everything is forever, there are a lot of things that make the phrase “Nothing is Forever” pretty relavent. I'm not saying that it is not possible, i'm just saying it's one of those rare things that requires work and a lot of it; but a lot of people just cant do it.

For sometime before I graduated with my bachelors in psychology, maybe even around the time our little girl was born; however, I started to sense something just didn't seem right. Although we still did things together, somethig felt empty. I didnt know what it was, what to do, or what to say. I was never assertive, and I certainly wasn't able to be assertive about someething this close to someone I loved dearly. I beleive not talking was my biggest mistake among other mistakes i've made.

Although we did stuff together, we did our homework, took care of our kids and even went out on family outtings, we didn't really talk except for things that didn't have to do with us. I didn't know what to say because I was too afraid of losing my wife. I stayed home a lot watching our kids while she's at school at time. Well, I stayed home anyway because I didnt care to have friends because I had her, and she was all that mattered to me. I would even stay up all night a lot of times to make sure our kids were ok while she was out studying with her friends. This kinda reminds me of the song by Bryan Adams, “everything I do, I do it for you”... ha ha ha... I felt that way too.

I am not going to go into this it was her fault, or it was my fault dialogue, because we both made mistakes, we both are at fault. I do beleive it was worth working out. I am a very forgiving person unlike others. There is a lot I didnt understand about how things happened the way they did. I do know one thing though, I was feeling very lonely. I had some ideas of what was happening in my head but I was never abled to comfirm them because we never talked. I mean, it's not like we fought and yelled and scream at each other, not at all. When we finally sat and talked it was't about what was going on or how we can work on us, it was about her wanting a divorce. I wanted to go to counseling but she didnt, so I let that idea go. I didn't beleive in just letting a long marriage go like it was nothing, especially wheN we had kids. I litterally poured my heart to her, but the way she responded I could tell her heart was somewhere else. In the end, I just wanted her to be happy.

Don't get wrong, I was hurt. I was hurting for a while. I cryed my heart out countless times. Sat and wonder what happened. Wondered if I was ever really worthy. Wondered if she just wanted more then i could offer. And after coming to terms and pulling myself together on my own, i came to the realization that in a lot of circumstances nothing is forever.